Cats and dogs. Oil and water. Parents and youth sports officials. Some things just don't mix.
Parents and officials never seem to be on the same page. There always seems to be some tension between them. It often seems to parents that the person officiating must be seeing a different game than they are. Every call seems to go against their child's team.
Go to just about any youth sports contest and you are bound to hear parents make comments about the official like the following:
Hey, ref, you must be blind!"
"Hey, ref. You want to borrow my glasses?"
"Ref, are you going out drinking with the other coach after this game?"
And when their child's team has lost the game, you will often hear this comment:
"It is the ref's fault we lost the game. If he hadn't made that call, we would have won the game."
A cynic would say that refs and parents are the necessary evils of youth sports. Refs are necessary to make sure that one side goes away from the contest feeling their team was cheated, and parents are necessary to provide the players and transport them to and from the game.
Officials Are People Too
But before you jump to agree with this characterization, keep in mind the following:
No matter the sport, there will always be older people on the field to see that the game is played fairly and by the rules.
Sometimes the officials are volunteers and not as well trained as they should be.
In other leagues they may be well trained, sanctioned by an officiating organization or the league.
Each league has its own way of finding referees
The general rule is the higher the level of competitive play, the more likely the officials are trained and paid and a member of an official's organization. But, whatever the level, remember that officials:
Are people with whom you work, or go to church, or parents of your child's classmates in school
Want to make youth sports a positive experience, just like you
Are trying their best to be fair
Have feelings just like everyone else.
Some youth sports, like soccer, often employ young people as referees. They are usually players who have been trained to ref games of younger players. In soccer, the general rule is the ref needs to be at least two years older (preferably more) than the players.
Using youth refs has lots of advantages. It:
Increases the number of refs available to the league.
Teaches young people more about the game.
Affords young people the chance to make money in a game they enjoy playing.
Lets young people give something back to the game.
Allows the young ref to appreciate the challenges of being a referee so when they are playing they are more likely to treat the referee with respect.
Parental Abuse Of Youth Refs: A Big Problem
Unfortunately, parents are driving new referees out of the game in increasing numbers. This is bad for the game and for the kids who have had their self-esteem battered by abusive parents. The percentage of those who are trained and drop out of officiating [link to /alpha/news/survey_finds_spectator_abuse.shtml] within one year is staggering.
Young refs will often officiate at games of 8 and 10 year olds. Parents of children this age can be particularly merciless on the refs. All too often, they lose perspective on why their child is out there. They will yell and scream at every call.
The problem is often made worse by parents who do not know the rules specific to the age group of the children playing. For example:
In U-8 soccer
the offside rule is not enforced. For a parent who knows a little about
soccer, this can cause undue screaming about a rule that is not even
being enforced!
In football it might be the rule that protects punters; or
In basketball it might be a "no press" rule.
It is sad when the parent's own ignorance of the rules drives them to abuse the young official.
Too often, the parent on the sideline believes that if they attack the character of the referee, the referee will start to call the game for the people who are abusing him. In all of my contact with officials, whether at speaking engagements or in watching them officiate, I have yet to meet a ref who has changed a call because he was emotionally abused by a parent or coach.
Indeed, quite the opposite is true: the natural tendency of a ref is to make the call for the less abusive team when the call could go either way. If the abusive parent is trying to influence the ref to make calls for their team they have chosen the wrong way of doing it.
The only situation, in my experience, where the abusive strategy works is when the official (oftentimes a young one) becomes intimidated. An intimidated ref is even less likely to call a good game because he or she is afraid of making a mistake. An intimidated ref is likely to not make good calls and the bad taste the experience leaves is very likely to drive him or her from the game, if not the next game, then the one after that, or at the end of the season.
Treating Officials With Respect Is The Key
If the coach goes out of the way to tell the official that he or she appreciates what the official is doing, then the contest will start off on a positive note. The coach should also let the official know before the game starts that the parents will control themselves and not be abusive. That way the official will know that the coach is in control of the sidelines and that he or she wants a positive environment for the young players, as well as for the official.
When mutual respect is established, the official will be better able to give his or her best in calling a good and fair contest. If parents are generally supportive of the official and he or she then hears someone question a call from the sidelines, he or she is more likely to pay attention to this type of problem on the field. The parents have gained credibility with the official because they have not complained about every call. Consequently, the official will think more about the last call to determine if it was in error.