A Tool For Conflict Resolution & Behavior

Picture this: the exhilaration of a new season; spotless uniforms, equipment just out of the box, clipboards jammed with fresh paper...boundless enthusiasm and cooperation. It's the euphoric honeymoon phase of youth sports. Now, "fast forward" a few months. The honeymoon is long since over and conflicts among and between the players, coaches and parents have inevitably emerged. How well everyone copes with the conflicts may depend on whether they can refer to a team charter, a team-generated set of guidelines for the interaction of parents, players and coaches.

If you have ever attended an initial parents meeting, you know that parents and coaches don't always share the same expectations, attitudes and philosophies about youth sports in general or the upcoming season in particular. Some parents have tight budgets; others don't. Some expect lots of out- of- town meets or tournaments; others want less travel and more time spent at home on skills development. There are the "play through pain" adherents and those who expect decisions on sitting a player due to injury to be based on credible medical advice. Coaches may have a "give everyone lots of playing time" [1]philosophy, while some parents are thinking "a championship this year or never," even if means that some players will be spending a lot of time riding the bench. Some players joined the team for fun and camaraderie; others may have their sights set on record books and college careers. The problem is not that these different viewpoints exist, but that, generally, they do not surface until there is a crisis. By then, emotional intensity and crippled communication have destroyed the opportunity to find reasonable solutions. By agreeing before the first practice to a team charter, your team can take some conflict-prevention measures -- anticipating challenges and determining in advance how to handle them. Working as a group, you can reach a common understanding of everyone's expectations, agree on principles that will build stability and confidences, and iron out differences before any actual problems arise.

There are six steps to creating a charter meeting your team's specific needs:

1. Select A Facilitator. The key to developing an effective team charter is informal, respectful group discussion moderated by a person who does not take sides. The facilitator explains the purpose of the discussion, gets its started, and keeps it on track. Look for someone who doesn't have a stake in the team and who has patience and organizational and communication skills. If you can't find the ideal outsider, select a parent or team supporter with these qualities who can remain neutral.
   
   

2. Meet Early. If you don't create the Team Charter at the beginning, it's not going to work. Get parents and coaches together, with their input from players, soon after the team is formed. An hour or two should be enough time.
   
   

3. Identify The "What Ifs?" The facilitator asks the group to make a list of anticipated problem areas -- where glitches in communication and decision-making might arise. This entails identifying a series of "what if" questions, like "What if we have unexpected expenses?" "What if we can't get enough parents to share the driving?" "What if someone disagrees with the coach's approach . . . to injury, or homework, or the use of muscle-building supplements?" Anyone in the group can contribute, and no one judge's another's entry.
   
   

4. Brainstorm Solutions. Members of the group suggest strategies for handling each "what if." Everyone gets an opportunity to be heard, and there's no evaluation or debate. All potential solutions are welcome. The atmosphere should be upbeat and pro-active.
   
   

5. Build Consensus. The facilitator re-visits, with the group, the list of "what-ifs" and possible solutions. Agreed-upon solutions become part of the charter. Any disputed items are discussed and addressed by voting, modifying, or dropping from the charter.
   
   

6. Give Everyone A Copy. The result of the group's effort is a team charter, a copy of which is given to each parent, coach, and, if age appropriate, players. A Guide For Constructive Behavior The finished product should be a useful guide for constructive behavior. Parents, coaches and players are committed to following the charter because they have help to create it. It's a simple document, but one that can be the backbone of a smoothly functioning youth sports team and the catalyst for a stress-free, enjoyable season.

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