Last year, my daughter, then 12, played on a town softball team that had less than a stellar season on paper that is still being talked about a year later - by the girls on the team and the parents involved. This experience embodied everything good and bad about youth sports today. Luckily, there was just enough good to out weight the bad for the girls, although there were some very close calls.

Her team was what you want on a middle school youth sports team. A bunch of kids around the same age and skill who were all there because they wanted to play and learn the game. Coaches, all dads, with experience coaching as well as playing who understood the developmental aspects of the game and were able to put parameters in place to reel in the girls who became too intense and gently nudge the girls who needed a bit of a push. The coaching and developmental issues of the game are the make and break aspects of youth sports today.

The mission of our town baseball and softball league is simple. According to their handbook, they strive to teach kids of all abilities; teach fundamentals and rules; emphasize sportsmanship, teamwork and safety. I have to say, they do a good job meeting this mission.

The district league, on the other hand, is a different story. The league consists of two neighboring towns whose softball programs are a bit older and more organized than ours. On paper, the programs seem to be similar in philosophy but a couple weeks into the season we were clearly outmatched. The teams are very slanted to the 8th graders while the 6th and 7th graders sit on the bench. The 8th graders are allowed to also play for their school teams while our 8th graders have play for one or the other. And, the other town's kids have been together for years at the same positions, while for our kids this is their first season together. So, while our kids were still figuring out how to make a play, these kids had the plays internalized and had the muscle memory already. And, they were 2 years older.

Of note, during the few games where the away 8th graders were missing due to conflicts, our girls had great experiences. Those games were very well matched and every one had fun - on both teams. The scores were also more even.

There were also some rules that were hard to interpret which our coaches had issues with. I'll leave this alone for now except to say that these are kids learning a game. The rules should be simple and fair. And, the should be structured in a way that allows a game...not just balls to be hit and bases to be run.

I've talked a great deal in the past about the black box of puberty. What we saw played out during this season was just that. Our girls team alone represented that black box. Similarly, on the other teams, there were kids past puberty whose bodies had caught up and could not build muscle. It is well documented that there is no correlation between prepubertal and postpubertal sports success. So, parents, stop pushing your young athletes. The goal is fun early on! Plus, kids can really get hurt while puberty is progressing is pushed too hard the wrong way.

As for my daughter's team, fun and individual goals was what we had to go for given the score card. It would have been fantastic if our girls had won a game but it was not meant to be. But, you know, in the end it didn't matter. These girls became a team and developed a spark that honestly was missing from the other teams whose only mission was to win. Here's an example:

One player, a very cute girl who had never played softball before, kept striking out. She was very petite and just holding the bat took all her strength. About 6 games into the 8 game season, she went to the plate, swung at the first pitch, and POW! That ball when flying over the head of the pitcher. The entire bench of girls was on their feet in a second with cheers, chaps and whoops! You would have thought she had just drove in the winning won for the World Series! You know, in a sense she had...for herself - and her teammates and coaches, and us moms on the sideline holding our breathe as she came to the plate, knew it. That girl even told her mother later on she now dreamed of being the world's best softball player!

Many would tell her to give up that dream. Some would say "you're too small". But, she hasn't gone through puberty, or high school, or college! Her body has time to grow and during that time if she still loves the game of softball this much, I have no doubt she will achieve her goals. She's way too young for anyone to crush her dreams or indict her future sports career.

Interestingly, the only people upset about our girls' team sports card were some of the parents - back then and to this day. Our girls didn't seem to care that they didn't win a game and that is not what they recall from that season. The coaches helped them understand the mismatches between the teams and worked hard to get them to embrace the many accomplishments they did have individually and as a team. That is the sign of a good youth sports program!

By the way, the American Academy of Pediatrics has new sports guidelines that are likely very different than what your kids are doing. Let me give you a simple rule of thumb: 1 sport and 1 "nonsport" per season and avoid the same sport all year long. If you can accomplish this, while your kids are under your roof, you'll be doing them a favor for their entire lives.

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(Post republished from Dr. Gwenn Is In) 

My husband sent me this article yesterday. Being an athlete and an avid baseball fan, he can rattle off story upon story of MLB players and their injuries, including head injuries causing issues into adult life. It has always amazed him how many players are not benched after mind-numbing head injuries.

According to the Mets MLB website,

"...outfielder Ryan Church will be placed on the 15-day disabled list before Tuesday's game because of lingering effects from a concussion suffered May 20 in Atlanta." What's telling to me about the article is that he was benched because of vague symptoms, not obvious ones like headache or dizziness. Chuch's big complaint was just not feeling "100%" and a "pulsating feeling" in his head. That was enough for the neurologist he saw to feel his brain needed to rest. This was his second concussion in three months. He did experience symptoms after the first concussion but talked the Mets into letting him play. Perhaps not the wisest move for Church or the Mets.

At the moment he is on the DL for 15 days but realistically it could take much longer for his brain to heal. The moral of this story is that concussion symptoms may not be obvious and that any symptoms after a concussion need to be taken seriously.

Like the pros, kids need to be benched, too, after a concussion. It is very important you don't try and argue your kids back into the game or attempt to minimize the symptoms. Your kids only have one brain and it can't be fixed as well as the rest of the body after it is injured. Time is the brain's best protector after an injury and we have to be sure that the amount of time required to heal after a concussion is allowed.

What's the downside if you rush it? Not only life long learning and concentration problems but second impact syndrome which can be fatal.

Check out the MomsTeam Concussion Safety Center for more information on this important topic. And, when in doubt after a bonk to the head in sports, keep your kids benched until you have had them fully examined by either their own pediatrician or a neurologist. Just remember, your kids have only one brain...say that to yourself over and over again and then one more time. The health of that brain is more important than playing in one more game and risking life long problems as well as your child's health.

 

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The sad headline of the dry drowing of a 10 year old South Carolina boy this week has many parents concerned. With the warm weather here in many parts of our country and summer approaching fast, swimming will be part of many of our kids' lives very, very soon. Before you panic, let me give you some facts and tell you a few things you can do to keep your kids safe.

Dry drowning is very rare. It occurs when enough water enters the lungs to slowly suffocate a person but not so much water that the drowning is immediate. It only occurs by swallowing a great deal of water that goes "down the wrong pipe" to enter the lungs. There is usually a big coughing moment or even choking episode. If you read reports of what occurred with Johnny, he didn't have a normal day at the pool. According to multiple news reports, he had an episode in the pool, complained of being tired and soiled himself. Once home, the sleepiness became more extreme and his mom thought he should nap. A little while after falling asleep, his mother and a family friend noticed a foamy white substance from his mouth and then called 911 - but by then it was too late.

Drownings themselves are not that common with only 3582 a year by recent CDC estimates. Dry drownings are even less common. This occurs when a small amount of water (only 4 ounces is needed) gets into the lungs and then causes a cascade of chemical events leading to the lungs swelling and not working correctly. It can occur up to 24 hours after a child swallows the water and has it enter the lungs.

Experts cite three common signs to look for, that can be difficult to detect in kids: extreme tiredness, respiratory distress and changes in behavior.

For young kids, look for changes from the norm for behavior and fatigue. For older kids, talk to them about water safety and warning signs they should alert a grown up to in themselves of friends. And, make sure everyone understands the need to call 911 and get the child in trouble to an emergency room.

There is nothing worse than facing an emergency with your child. Knowing which medical setting to seek care in and what information to have on hand well before you face any sports-related medical emergency will help you help your child better. Click here to learn more about this important topic.

Finally, where water is concerned, you always have to be careful. Make sure you are up on the latest swimming pool safety guidelines and get your kids swim lessons when they are at least 4 years of age, as recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics.

 

 

My daughter and her friends are typical 7th graders. When they find a new activity they like, they dive in head first leaving all other activities behind in the splash. Doesn't matter if they also are involved with trumpet, violin, piano, biking, rock climbing, drama, cooking, ballet, fencing, or any other activity. Doesn't matter that they have homework and the need for some free time and family time. To this age group, a new activity is like falling in love - it becomes their be all, end all.

And, that is the blessing and curse of middle school. Middle school is truly a time for exploration and for spreading wings. Many kids discover new talents and interests they never even knew they had. The trouble is, this group adds to their plate well but doesn't have the judgement to take anything away. "Balance" and even "compromise" are not really in their vocabulary yet and are not life skills they do well or comfortably at their young ages.

So, you can imagine the stress we had recently when my daughter's 7th grade track team realize that one of their first away meets fell right on an important after school orchestra rehearsal. This involved a good amount of kids. And, this was an important rehearsal - the dress rehearsal before the end of the year performace that week.

As parents, how do we advise our kids in a situation like this? Do they miss this very important rehearsal for a musical group they have been part of all school year and have a responsibility to? To me, that wouldn't teach them the best of lessons. But, missing an important track meet is tough and being part of the team is equally important especially since there are so many individual field events that many of the kids have been working hard to be part of.

It would be easy for us to just swoop in and fix this for our kids. Don't do it. Once your kids are in middle school, that's the time to help them find a way to sort these situations out on their own, with us parents close by as guides, or coaches. School is practice for the real world and in the real world there are times we have to make compromises. And, in the real world, we can't always do everything we want to do. Let's face it, sometimes in real life, we have to make tough choices.

So, we opted to stay behind the scenes and coach our daughter to talk to both teachers involved - the orchestra director and the track coach. These teachers ended up talking together and created a solution that worked for both groups and didn't put one group over the other. The girls would attend the rehearsal but could leave early if they wanted to try and organize a carpool to try and get to part of the meet.

The girls loved that idea and carpool arrangements began before they even got home. If only there wasn't the unfortunately snag of the distance to the track meet, this would have been a beautiful plan. Each girl had a bit of the wind taken out of her sail when she arrived home to announce this well thought out plan to her parents. Sadly, it just couldn't happen. The meet was too far away. All the parents agreed so it turned out that no girl in the orchestra ended up going to the meet. But, we learned that the track coach was uber flexible and very supportive about the multiple hats these girls were trying to wear at once. These girls needed that and that really helped soften the blow they felt in missing that meet. They were disappointed but he helped them refocus and look towards the next meet. Why? Because there is always another meet and the one they missed is, well, only a meet - just a meet. One day - not an entire track career.

This time around my daughter had to miss a sporting event but next time it may be a musical event. Helping our kids learn to prioritize, compromise and balance are some of the best lessons we can teach them as parents. And, helping them find coaches (and music teachers!) who support that message is invaluable. Don't settle for anything less. Your kids need that. Your sanity needs that. And, our cars' gas tanks sometimes need that, too!

 

Reading this story a couple of months ago was music to my ears! Ryan Lochte, an elite, Olympic swimmer did not lift weights as a kid. Was his dad a visionary or just being overly cautious? Many parents immediately think that building bulk and muscles is what will get a child an athletic edge and they push their kids in that direction. They think: "We’ll make him stronger! He'll swim faster!” Well, not so fast. Muscles may build strength but what makes kids succeed in sports has nothing to do with strength. What makes kids succeed in sports has to do with skill building, keeping their bodies healthy and making sure they are having fun. Don't get me wrong. There is nothing at all wrong with weight lifting in kids - and studies have shown that. But, it won't give you the edge you hope for, and cause harm on a developing body if not done correctly. But, that's not really the point. The point is that pushing bodies in directions they are not intended to go while young is not what creates athletic success. If you want proof, just look deeper into Ryan Lochte's story. He’s won medals and has beaten Michael Phelps … and didn’t lift weights until after high school. His dad is a visionary in my mind! Ryan's dad, Steve, told the New York Times,

“You should wait until the bones are fused and skeletal growth is finished..."

Makes good medical and developmental sense to me, and didn't seem to hurt Ryan's athletic success at all. In fact, his dad's low-keyed, child-focused attitude is likely just what Ryan needed while young. My other issue with kids body building is that we want our kids to look like kids while they are kids. I worry that too many tweens and teens are trying to emulate the stars they see on TV, who appear like mini-Arnold Schwarzenegger as boys or overly thin Barbie dolls as girls. Both are unhealthy body images and as parents we need to monitor for those issues if our kids delve into the world of body shaping in any way at all while young. My advice is to let your kids be kids as long as possible. Don't worry so much about talent or try to push them in directions you think they need to go. Follow their leads for interests and help them find sports venues that nurture those interests. The rest, like "talent" and even "success", will come as it comes. We can't guarantee that but we can provide the high 5's for wins and the hugs for losses. If all goes well, our kids will have a healthy mix of both.