Should I let my son quit?

Submitted by tara Randall on Sun, 06/22/2008 - 18:29.

First I would like to say how much I appreciate the new MomsTeam boards. The past ones were great and I miss them but these will fill up so fast.

It helps to know there are those out there facing the same issues as we are. It ,also, helps to know there are those trying to make a difference. I truly believe, however, that actual laws need to be set in place for all schools, regarding safety issues, fair play, equal play, parent coaches etc. Only then will we truly start to see a difference.

     I say this because I am in a situation with my son where the adults in charge have agendas and care little for the well-being of all the children.

My son was always a very good basketball player, voted most valuable on his 6th grade year basketball team. He then went into his 7th grade school season to sit the bench. The coach had a son on the the team and he and his friends were given special attention, starting every game and playing the entire time.

A story I know you have heard countless times. This was very traumatic for him but he wanted to play again in 8th grade knowing he would have a different coach. He was a starter once again and did fairly well, however, overcoming the wounds from the previous year was difficult. He was playing with the same kids as last year and feelings of inadequacy were a constant battle.

He loves basketball ,however, and scored high in many games. So when 9 th grade rolled around and he found out he would have his 7th grade coach  once again, he still  joined the team. He attends a small school with no cuts, so he at least didn't have to worry about that.

However, the season quickly became a nightmare once again, with this coach giving  my son about a broken 5 minutes of playing time per game. By mid season my son could take it no longer and approached the coach, who proceeded to tell him he simply wasn't any good and would not see any more playtime. I know this is not true since many other coaches have told me the opposite, including other team basketball coaches from our school.

He has been beaten down and it is amazing how many different areas this has affected him. Now we are facing 10th grade ball next year. And wondering about summer camp.

Many players have quit and the starting point guard has moved to varsity. Once again we will have this same coach. He has coached his son in every sport he has ever played and will continue as long as he's allowed. Money speaks very loudly at our school. He even recruited one of his best friends to coach varsity to ensure his son's place on the team. This year the team is running thin and the coach told my son he would be starting point guard if he played.

I don't trust this man and am tired of all the pain he has brought our child and us as a result.

My son is conflicted, torn between a sport that he loves and a coach who has always been determined to keep him from reaching his potential. Should he throw in the towel now and look for another sport knowing he will be facing a season with a coach looking to make his son the hero. Or should he give it another try as it may be his last opportunity to possibly show everyone what he can do.

i need all the help I can get here. I am also going to put my question in the coaches forum. Thank you and God bless.

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encouraging a child to play a sport in which he is burned out ›

This is an incredibly

Submitted by Alison Bailey on Tue, 06/24/2008 - 17:49.

This is an incredibly difficult choice for a parent to make. Letting your son quit seems like an ok thing to do, however, this would teach your son that it is alright to give up in the face of adversity, and it would be letting this coach off the hook, letting him win, succeeding in bringing down your son. Bad coaches can be negative role models, people that can teach your kids to speak up for themselves and a people that your kids are determined not to be like. Check out this great video I found on MomsTeam-

http://www.momsteam.com/successful-parenting/youth-sports-parenting-basi...

Agreed, this does appear to

Submitted by John Dee on Wed, 07/09/2008 - 16:48.

Agreed, this does appear to be a difficult situation for the parents. I just have a hard time thinking that all of the facts are on the table. Coaches, especially at the high school level, are there to win as much as possible. If your son is as good as you say he is, the coach is going to play him. Is there other factors, does he screw around in practice, is he disrespectful to this coach. Again, if the kid can help the team win, I don't know why he wouldn't play unless there are other problems.
I've always told parents that if your kid wants to quit, let them quit. If you force a kid to do a sport he does not like, he will really hate it. If they sit out a year, they may come back and be as committed as ever. They may also find another sport to play. Most of the wrestling team at my high school was made up of former basketball players who were cut in 6th grade. Cutting isn't always such a bad idea.
The only other thing is to move to another school district, or open enroll to another school.
Good luck.

Submitted by Tandy Moore on Thu, 07/10/2008 - 17:49.

I am the Secretary/Treasurer of Youth Football League, in NY, and I get the same complaints from parents on a regular basis, about certain children not getting enough playing time. We have had kids who quit the team because they never get enough playing time. We have to teach our children to

Tahnk you

Submitted by Tandy Moore on Sat, 07/26/2008 - 23:18.

Just read your newest articles and want to again say thsank you for being here for us.

Agree with "Finish what you start"

Submitted by Kelly Kespa on Tue, 07/29/2008 - 19:45.

Understanding this is a difficult situation, I have always told my son that to play a sport is his decision, but once he starts HE MUST finish the season. The only exception I made was when his football coach suggested he try wrestling. I told him up front (because he knew my rule about FINISHING and yet was apprehensive about wrestling since he did not know what that was all about -- he was 8 at the time) that he could go to two practices and if he did not like it he could quite. To be honest he did not like it at all....but decided to stick it out anyway....and wouldn't you know it....he won the state title in his age group the first year (against some kids who had been wrestling for 3 years). He did not want to wrestle again the next year, and that was fine...I was proud he stuck with it...even though he could have quite, he decided to stay with it and now he can say he was the State Champ in Heavyweight Wrestling in his first (and only) year.

I also believe if your Son is good enough to play he will. My husband does not coach...I do not want him to coach...see everyone always thinks the coach's kids get to play because they are the coach's kid, and well that is an unfair sterotype. My son is only 10, hewill be 11 in October, and he made the Little League All Star team. At first we were worried because we had heard the "politics" were bad and if you were not the coach's kid you may not make the team....well I kept believing the best would play....He was the concensus #1 pick on all coaches ballots.....

Now he is having to start on a new football team (other team too far a drive in this high gas price day). Yes he is apprehensive...we see the practices...the new kid....has to play in county next to ours because he is a "bigger" boy and in his county he is "too big" to play. We get to practice and there are 9 other "big" boys....He has to earn his way into the starting lineup...and well...that will make him work harder....get better....and if he does not crack the lineup (due to coaching favortism) we will talk with him and tell him to stick it out. You are practicing and getting exercise and that is what it is all about at this point in your life. Keep working hard....never say quite...Finish what you start...you never know what you might get in return.

Do you worry

Submitted by Jillian Rogers on Sat, 08/02/2008 - 20:21.

I worry that if I force my kids to stick it out and they hate the coach and kids that they will just give up on sports all together. Is this sort of a myth, too. You seem to have good luck here.

Not "luck" just started early

Submitted by Kelly Kespa on Tue, 08/05/2008 - 19:50.

I understand your hesitation that if you force a kid he will give up on sports all together. I thought about this too. But at the end of the day, I believe quitting is wrong especially when others are counting on you (such as other team members). I think by instilling in my Son to give it all today, tomorrow will sort itself out. Just because I have a bad day at work, or do not get along with all the people who work with or for me, does this mean I can just quit...no...my family depends on my financial contribution. Also, you use the word "force" That seems like a harsh word to me. I do not feel like I ever "forced" my son to do anything -per say. I simply told him up front that when you start something you finish it, so he had that understanding from an early age. I do feel that Kids are "forced" into sports way to much and without a "love" for the game, I have never believed they will excel. We can convince our kids the right way to handle things and do things without force. I do not force him to do homework...I explain that he needs good grades to be able to play sports (to play the Wii), to get in a good college, to open his options as he get's older. I tell him that for every action there is a reaction so to think before he does. One may call it "forcing" but I just call it parenting.

Very well thought out response

Submitted by Kirk Mango on Wed, 08/06/2008 - 03:23.

Kelly,

Great response and I just love this "One may call it 'forcing' but I just call it parenting."

Kirk Mango
Becoming a True Champion

quitting!!

Submitted by L S on Wed, 10/22/2008 - 01:13.

Never let them quit on their team. I know there are bad coaches out there, but there are alot of good friends to be made. Tell them to do there best (sometimes in spite of the coach). Sports train for life skills and help prepare for the real world. there are alot more bad bosses out there than bad coaches. If they still do not want to play next year,let that decision be theirs!!

Quit?

Submitted by mark fernandez on Wed, 11/12/2008 - 09:35.

How old is he? I think you should let him to decide. Let him find what he really like. don't force him to play that kind of sport because he will not enjoy it. Once you force him to play the sport that he did not like he might rebel to you. he will not improve if he is not interested to it.