Favoritism?

This is one of the reasons I, pretty much, stayed away from coaching my own kids on competitive teams. No matter how "fair" you are as a coach there will almost always be someone else that will view your decision making as unfair to their child. Even with the best intentions this situation tends to backfire a lot. Even though I also believe that playing time, and player position (for the most part), should be pretty equally distributed at the younger ages (for developing a love of the game, and decreasing the chances of pigeon holing young athletes), I used any discrepancy or "unfairness" as a perfect opportunity for a life lesson to be taught. Whether in sports, school, the workplace, or just about anywhere, life is simply not always going to be fair. If, and when, my daughters came home with complaints of the coach not being fair (whether it be position, playing time, or not making the level team they wanted), the referee not being fair, the opposing team not playing fair, etc. etc. I almost always would ask them what "they" felt they could or should do about changing the situation. As long as their answer demonstrated good character and showed a willingness to better themselves then nothing more would need to be said, if not, then my encouragement would center on the thought process just described. What this did was to place the responsibility and ownership directly where it should be, with the athlete. Doing otherwise takes away the athletes own control for change. Unless a situation came up that was physically and/or emotionally damaging to my child, I pretty much let them work it out. My encouragement, again, came only from the standpoint of coming from inside them to make change happen. Whenever I had discussions with a coach of a team my kids played on it was always in reference to whether my kid is giving their best effort, what more they would like to see from them, what they felt the goals should be for the team or my daughter

What about the opposite situation where a coach is too hard on their own child? My husband coaches my son and there are many times where he goes to the opposite end of the spectrum and yells at him more or plays him less where he wouldn't with somebody else's child. He is very aware of this and we always talk about it after the fact. However, he did admit this weekend that when our boy makes a good play, he gets just a little more excited than he would with another player. The big picture is that it is very difficult to coach youth sports period, let alone while integrating home life into it as well. We chose to be involved to avoid having a "bad coach" situation and therefore we will deal with the down sides. My son undestands this and puts up wtih the extra "coaching" for the greater good.

I am amazed at all of the coaching groups out here like Positive Coaching, etc. They seem to be a huge business and do run many coaches through the program but then the coach is gone. I would love to see more physical ed majors get paid to coach our kids instead of the parent looking out for his own. I always start the season wanting to be thankful but too often I am very mad at the end of it.

I had the same issues with favoritism in the past. I recently put my son in an i9 Sports coed soccer league in Tampa. I think they have them all over the country. Their coaches seem to be better trained at giving all the kids equal playing time. The games are about an hour and everyone plays every game at least 30 minutes. My son also gets to play different positions in this league. The last league he played in he never got to play goalie because he wasn't as strong of a player as the other kids. Now it's his favorite position and has really helped his confidence. I had to sign a parental pledge that says I'm committed to my son having fun and that I won't yell at the coach. I thought it was a joke at first but the parents on this team are pretty positive. It's been a great experience. I'm putting my daughter in this fall.

I understand some of your frustrations with youth sports. But let's take a different spin on this for once. When Johnny or Suzie are out there competing for jobs, they may or may not get a job. It may go to someone who they are better qualfied than, but it is what it is.

They may get a job at a place where they have to work a little harder than the person next to them. Or they may be better at sales than math and get a job in sales rather than accounting.

My point is that LIFE ISN'T FAIR! We're creating a generation of one size fits all, everyone gets equal playing time, and these kids don't know how to compete for anything. They whine to the administration that they are being treated unfairly.
What's wrong with putting a kid in goalie whose good at it, rather than putting a kid whose scared of the ball in goal?
I laugh when there are actual classes and training where coaches have to be certified to coach kids in a sport that they already know.
Quit worrying about where your kid plays and just tell them to do the best job they can. The coaches who compete to win will recognize that and put them in positions to help the team win. While many of you constantly talk about equal playing time and kids playing other positions, I've never seen a kid, high school on down, who was happy after their team lost a game. I have,however, seen kids who don't play much or contribute much, estatic after their TEAM won. People like to be successful, it's how we are wired.

I have coached youth baseball for several years. I also coach youth basketball on and off. There is a happy medium that I don't believe has yet been addressed on this forum, so I shall explore it here.

In all of the leagues that I have coached -- baseball or basketball -- we played a "regular season" of games that were considered developmental. No won-loss records were recorded (although all of the kids knew them!) during the regular season. At the end of the regular season, we did hold tournaments which "counted." The developmental season lasted about 70% of the full season. During that portion of the season, successful managers typically rotated their players and developed players at new positions. Those who failed to do so never had enough bench strength or depth at important positions when we got to our tournaments.

During our developmental season, I always played my own child at skill positions for 3 innings of each game and for 2 innings in the outfield. He sat on the bench for one inning, as did every other player. I tried to follow that model with every player unless I had a player who was at risk of injury if I put him or her in the infield. When we got to our tournament, I played each player where he or she was strongest in comparison to all other players on the squad. The top 8 players each played for every inning and the bottom 4 played half a game each. If I was fortunate enough to feel that I did not have 4 players who were materially less developed than the top 8, I would bench all players equally. Bottom line: All of my players (and the players of many other managers in our leagues) new that they were playing for playing time and that if they performed well in the developmental season, they would get more desireable assignments during the tournament.

I was a child athlete (gymnastics) high school athlete,college athlete, ran a gymnastics club, have a BA in Sports management, have coached almost all levels of gymnastics. Now we have our six kids in track and field (HS), baseball, little league, Babe Ruth, legion, and Rec soccer. I have seen a tremendous amount of favoritism, both from coaching parents of kids that play, and even from high school coaches. Some of that favoritism has been directed at my kids, and also against my kids. For the most part I find that the coaches are trying to do a good job. Where most of the trouble seems to lie is in little league, and and junior leagues. It is true that these people are volunteers and they simply do not have to "be nice" if they do not feel like it. I am not taking away from the good ones, because there have been some. I do not find the problem in soccer as much. Less sitting around time maybe? Usually the coaches either favor their kid or yell at their kid, either extreme is wrong, but as I tell my kids politics are everywhere, and you have to learn to just deal with it. It is sad though for the kids, especially if they are doing a good job, trying their hardest, and even if they are also talented physically to watch a "spoiled brat coaches kid" get a reward simply for being the coaches kid, it is "unfair" but more than that it teaches the kids that it does not matter how good you are, how much of a good attitude you have, or how much you try. Rewards should be given on merit, and attitude, not on favoritism. I have watched an entire team of little league boys being discouraged by that, and then being told that they (expletive)....I mean seriously why would the kids want to play after being told that? As a matter of fact. on this one particular team, one of the coaches kids would come into the dug-out, and use the (expletive) at the other kids "we @%#$%" this very kid got the "sportsmanship" award at the youth "banquet"...I mean what does that say to the rest of the kids. Of course if you speak up as a parent, you and your kid get branded......oh well that is the way of the sporting world...should not be, yet often is. Mirrors real life!